Looks like I'm a Perfect Fit for Teaching...

Initially, I wasn’t sure how I wanted to attack this blog. That is, until I came across something interesting (at least to me) that Williams brought up in our reading. He mentions a scholar by the name of Ed White, who argues that “many teachers know almost nothing about writing assessment and that large numbers of them are arrogant about their ignorance. The tendency is to give little thought to what is being measured when putting grades on papers.”

Then I thought to myself, “Gee, that sounds a lot like me.” Not that I’m arrogant, that’s not what I’m trying to say here at all (although there are some who might disagree with that statement). The thing is, I worry that as I get closer and closer to student teaching and beyond, I feel as though I am not yet prepared to handle some – but, not all – of the responsibilities associated with the teaching profession.

While I feel that most of what we’ve read and discussed in this class has been valuable to some degree, I don’t feel confident in my ability to step up and do the job. And this worries me, because I am on pace to begin student teaching somewhere next semester. For instance, not until today (when I read this chapter) can I recall learning how to assess and grade a piece of student writing. To be honest, I still don’t have the foggiest idea how to effectively look at a piece of writing (as in something that is not my own) and tell someone how they can improve it. Whenever I read something, I know that bells and whistles seem to go off in my head when I read something that doesn’t seem to make sense. Basically, I can tell if the writing is good, or if it needs work. That’s the easy part. But, what seems to give me trouble is that next step, the one that involves providing feedback or offering suggestions that would help someone else improve whatever it is that I’ve just read. Having to articulate these thoughts and ideas is tough, and it’s only made tougher by the fact that I don’t feel like I am qualified to do the job.

I guess what I am getting at here is that I can be an effective reader, but I not so sure I can teach someone else how to write – at least not yet. I have been at Penn State for almost two years now, and I believe this is the first time that I’ve actually come across a rubric before (not counting those that professors include in their syllabi, of course).

Needless to say, this worries me quite a bit. I’ve found the whole teaching process to be an exceedingly difficult job – something that leaves me physically and emotionally drained on the days when I take part in my teaching observations. Right now, that only takes up two days out of my week; how on earth am I going to survive an entire semester of student-teaching come January?

Either I am going to learn fast (which I what I think, or hope, will occur), or all of my hair will turn completely white (e.g. Anderson Cooper) and I will have to check myself into a psychiatric hospital (so I exaggerate a little, but who doesn’t?). But, seriously, I am very apprehensive about the entire process. I really don’t feel that I am ready to teach yet, and I am starting to wonder if anyone is ever really prepared to do so when they leave college. If my observation experience has taught me anything, it’s this: I know nothing…about teaching.

On the bright side, I have discovered that I am capable of learning new things. And, I am not afraid to fail, which, for someone like myself, has its advantages. Every time I step into the classroom I feel like I am steadily gaining more knowledge of it – plus, I seem to add a few more embarrassing stories to my “Things to Discuss among Friends” file that I keep stashed away in the nether region of my mind. That’s always a bonus.

However, I don’t want to be among that “large number” of teachers who are either ill-equipped or too arrogant to realize that they cannot effectively assess their students’ writing or teach them how to write. I love writing, and the last thing that I want to do as a teacher is scare some poor student away from it because I couldn’t handle my own responsibilities.

I do what I can by trying to learn as much as possible while I’m here at Penn State, but I feel that my “real” education is out there waiting for me at some yet-to-be-determined school district – assuming of course, that I can find a job again.